Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
