i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
