I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
