i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
