My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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