Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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