dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
