forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
either way he was missing a nipple.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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