i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
