Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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