Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
