Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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