so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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