I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
