We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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