Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
