I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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