He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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