I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
