The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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