well he's currently spooning the coffee table
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
