Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
