I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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