Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
