I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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