I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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