he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
