I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You took a bar mat shot.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
