If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
