PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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