i need an iv and a liver transplant
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
