So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
