if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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