Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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