i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
