what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i came on her dog
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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