My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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