addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
