youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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