she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
