We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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