I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
