hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
