i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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