so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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