who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
