around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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