There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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