I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
