YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
