You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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