guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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