Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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