My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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