Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
