I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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