she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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