All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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