you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize