I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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