dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
