Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
