You can't special order awesome
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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