Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
