that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
