when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
