just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just pee around me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize