I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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