Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
