i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
