CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
