I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
