I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
