i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
