Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
