I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
