I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
