Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
