my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
