Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
