yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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