I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
