What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
