i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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