thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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