I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
