you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
