Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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