So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
